I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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