cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
