it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You ruined the universe
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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