i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
