she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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