Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize