but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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