I didn't shave. On purpose
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
