Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
