Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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