In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
