I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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