hotel room ftw
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
