im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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