please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
