During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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