Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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