I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
