this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
