Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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