i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just high enough for therapy.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
