I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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