My underwear smells like fireworks.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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