You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
