I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
