a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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