you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
