genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
