My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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