that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
