If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He did a backflip because drugs
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