Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
