he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Im part way to drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
