with your own penis?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My liver just broke up with me...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
