p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
