Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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