Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
