He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
