Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
