She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
