Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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