How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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