Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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