when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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