i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
