evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
