The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
