can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
