you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
