Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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the night ended with taco bell and tears
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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