Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your cock deserves a montage
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
