i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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