how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
