Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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