Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson

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(409): View more from Texas

well he's currently spooning the coffee table

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand

(816): View more from Missouri

team rage. no explanation necessary

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(845): View more from New York

I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar

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(410): View more from Maryland

You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.

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(805): View more from California

fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King

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(585): View more from New York

She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.

(585): View more from New York

gtg, the cops are here

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