I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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