she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
